I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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