Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize