he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
FUCK WHALES
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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