she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
