I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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