They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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