Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
