It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
