I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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