my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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