She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
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