I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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