he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
