I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she told me i tasted like america
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
