Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
