my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
