just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Damn victory sex feels great
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
