The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
