ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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