somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
