just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
