i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We talked him into tasing himself.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize