So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
