The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
