Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
