he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
