Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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