she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
