Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's shark week go big or go home
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
