my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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