Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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