Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
