we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
