I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
