i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
