for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
