I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
