He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize