I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
