They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I need moral support for this bender
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
