I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So squirting runs in the family.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
me + whiskey = a bad person
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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