I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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