woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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