i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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