He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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