Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
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