If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
