At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
