I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We're like a lot better than the average bears
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
