my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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