Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
