And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
