I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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