Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize