Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
