Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
