so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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