woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
