i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
