i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
