rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
