oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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