It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
