I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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