Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
