I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize