Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
