Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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