Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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