I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
