My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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