Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
