I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
