somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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