Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my vag is so smooth its legendary
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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