i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
