He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
