Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
