According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
