o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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