Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
