Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
