Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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