i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
