Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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