Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
