Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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