apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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