who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
