So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
