The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
