Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
