we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
