I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
