they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
