and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize