Where did you get a picture of my penis
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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