I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
