I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
