i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i would one night stand the shit outta him
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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