But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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