and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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